Recovering

I wrote the other night about how I've been taking care of myself. Since then I went to a high school reunion meeting and dove into that a bit more.

Oh those poor unsuspecting souls.

My regular guy was there and asked how business was.. I started to tell him, and a girl from our graduating class (whom I'd never met before that night), about my absolute disdain for all things vendor events.

The conversation (soapbox) was going alright until I tried to explain why it was difficult. The talking to strangers for hours and the physical labor involved. The rejection, the encouragement, the lack of sales, the small talk, the questions, the suggestions. It's all a lot.

As I'm talking about how hard it is to talk to people I can't help but feel like a jackass. I mean, I love talking to people, it's the sales part I don't like. And it's selling something that I have an emotional attachment to that's very hard.

He asked though and I was honest that vendor events wipe me out. I truthfully told them it takes a couple days to recover from each event.

That's the point of the convo where I felt the worst about myself and how I was appearing.

The "new" girl wasn't receptive to me (maybe she was tired or not used to people who speak so much about themselves/their trials) from the beginning.

As I heard the words "days to recover" come out of my mouth I thought about her perception of me and how "regular" people do things daily that they don't want to do.

Go to jobs that they have tasks to get done, meetings with people they don't like and day after day of long physically/emotionally draining days.

They don't get days to recover. Well, the weekend but that's after God knows how many personally uncomfortable experiences that they've had to go through.

I did that. For 15 years. And I disliked it. Immensely.

I coped but I did so by numbing myself with substances and living for the moment I could leave each night and of course for the weekends so I could rage my face off.

Life is so much better now.

I know that I am beyond #blessed (��) to have had it all line up. And I am not at all delusional about the amount of hard ass work I put into it and the amount of "fun" I "missed out" on. But I am fortunate enough to be able to put myself in uncomfortable (for me) situations and then do as I see fit to grow or maintain my business.

This whole self care/compassion thing is a tricky one. Im doing it and know I need to but how do I talk about it without seeming insensitive to "regular" people? Or just don't talk about it? That's probably the best bet for me! Less chance of jackassery.