Remembering

I was sitting in the living room waiting to pick up the four year old from preschool. I went into the kitchen to get something to eat because if I didn't eat before I got him I'd usually be so wrapped up after that I would end up really hangry by 2.

I look out the kitchen window and see a huge number of crows in my neighbor and my yard, our sidewalks and on her car.  I wanted to grab my phone to take a picture but it was in the living room and for some reason I thought I should stay and watch.  After counting at least 22 I see them all take off into the sky together.

I didn't know what it was for but I knew what I saw was a "sign" and that it should stay with me.

After the birds took flight I went into the living room to grab my phone. I checked Twitter real quick to waste a couple more minutes before getting the boy. I see a post by Russell Simmons media group "School shooting reported ...."  I'd seen enough. I closed out and headed to get my boy.

I got a glimpse of how serious it was when I got to the boys preschool.  The administrators daughter and desk lady were very shaken up. The parents picking their kids up were too.

We headed to the grocery store and I heard a dj start to talk about it and quickly changed the channel. My bubble is comfy and ignorance is bliss.

The news was unavoidable. I found out later that afternoon.

When I found out the number I thought back to the crows.  How they were all together and I knew when I saw them fly off together that they would stick together.

It did provide some solace to me but I still ended up sleeping with one of the two boys for weeks.  I couldn't not be around them.

There hasn't been a Christmas assembly where I haven't thought about and mourned for those parents, siblings, school staff and responders.  Ugh, the first responders...that really got to me.  What they saw and were responsible to take care of.  Unbelievable.

I wrote this poem the night after while staring at my big boy:

http://www.findingfelicity.com/2012/12/sons.html